Animals I Need

The first on the list of animals I need is, clearly, a giraffe. I honestly do not know how I have lived without one so far. A giraffe is an absolute necessity for the backyard and my over all happiness. I do not want to make it seem as if I would view him or her as decorative or a mere possession. I would lavish my giraffe with love and praise. Nevertheless, I find that while I do not have trees in my yard, I always end up dealing with leaves from the neighbors’ deciduous denizens. A giraffe would solve this problem nicely. It could easily lean across the fence and denude the trees over the course of the summer so that I would have a leaf free yard come fall. Also, who doesn’t want to see a giraffe peering over the roof at them after a hard day at work? I do understand that giraffes require a warm environment all year long. I would need to make friends with someone who has an exceptionally tall greenhouse for the winter months. Piece of cake!

And no house is truly a home without an elephant. Why an elephant you say? Well, because elephants are so. . . so. . . elephanty. Who else could trumpet such an excellent greeting to the rising sun? It makes roosters seem ridiculous and redundant. Also, my yard has always been rather lumpy and prone to forming hillocks. An elephant would transform my yard into a perfectly level surface and get rid of all that pesky grass I hate mowing. In addition, I could probably start a booming manure business. I am certain that elephant dung would grow magnificent tomatoes! And last but not least, it is very soothing to talk out your problems with an elephant while leaning against his broad reassuring bulk.

Certainly, I require an ocelot and a kinkajou. They would have to stay indoors in a specially created arbor area. Not only are their names fun to say but their glowing eyes would be very disconcerting to any nefarious nighttime intruders who happened to get past the elephant and giraffe. And the hippopotamus. Didn’t I mention the hippopotamus? He would have his own moat that circled the house. And though, hippos are adorable, they are also fierce defenders of hearth and home. Plus, I wouldn’t have to worry too much about hippo upkeep as they come with those handy, little grooming birds. As for the ocelot and the kinkajou, they tend to keep to the trees which limits wear and tear on the floors. They also add an exotic flair to the décor of any home.



I require a prairie dog town to run along the front of my property. Their alarmed barking can serve to alert the hippo and others to danger. Also, it is very entertaining to watch them pop in and out of those little holes. Prairie dogs just happen to rate very high on the cuteness scale in general and more so when they are making remarks to one another about the state of things in the neighborhood. Some may be drawn to meerkats for their communication skills and commune style living but I prefer the more patriotic prairie dog. Besides, meerkats always look like they’re up to something.

Last but not least, I need a wombat, solely for the purpose of introducing him to my friends. “And this is my wombat, Bruce.” But, I suppose what I really need is a much larger house and an unlimited income. Until then, I suppose I will just have to be satisfied with cats.